Hey ya'll. I promised I'd release a blog like two weeks ago and didn't do it. I hate that because I've been trying to prove something to myself by staying consistent with my craft. I was trying to prove to myself that I don't need external validation and support from my peers and readers to keep writing to keep creating because I do this because I love it, not for a pat on the back. But in the midst of reflection, I learned something incredibly life-changing. I'd been thinking, even before starting up my blog again, a lot about community. And while I don't blog for performative reasons, support and community are things that keep me motivated and encouraged in a general sense. Community is something that has always been super important to me because community is culture, community is love. I hadn't understood HOW important it was until recently.
Isolation kicks my ass, every time (sorry mom). And I never acknowledged how much of a toll loneliness takes on me until I understood why. For a long time, dating back to mid-quarantine, I had this constant frustration that I couldn't quite conceptualize. This frustration came from a place of wanting to share. Wanting to share ideas, experiences- I wanted exchanges, interactions. But most of all I wanted to feel like I was listened to, understood. I remember telling a good friend of mine on New Years, "I have all these people I could talk to but I still feel so alone." I had to learn that not everyone in my life was "my people" and it took me a while to accept, but I did. Even after I did though, I did not understand that there are people out there that are my people. I accepted being alone because I was afraid of forcing anything. I was afraid of rejection. I thought that wanting connection was selfish because it would come off as me wanting validation. That fear lead me to begin emotionally distancing myself from others as if there was a judgment chain around my heart. I was allowing that mindset to make me scared and miserable.
This specific situation reminded me a lot of a storyline in the show HunterxHunter season 3. [[Spoilers]] There was a particular character I was really fond of named Pakunoda. She was part of an elite group of criminals called the Phantom Troupe and was psychometric, she sometimes used her ability to share information through her knowledge pistol. Cool right? At some point in the show, a restriction is put on her so that she can gather information but not share it without dying. This ordeal puts her in a rough spot because in order to save "her people" she must transfer the valuable information she gathered. Ultimately she gives in and breaks the condition resulting in her death. And for that I really like Paku, I respected her so much and I couldn't quite figure out why but it's because she was able to do what I couldn't at the time, she was done being afraid.
Thinking about Paku and what she did made me remember how important community is. Community is folklore, community is family, community is irrefutable. Knowing this and finally understanding this I realized there is nothing wrong with wanting validation, community. Community is validation. Validation is a word that has been wrongfully demonized and it has us all in a chokehold. Paku reminded me it's okay to want to share, connect, love, and support. That's what humans do. That's like, normal. So don't be afraid to find your people, don't be afraid to speak your truth, don't be afraid to want support because you're valid and deserve validation. If we were meant to be alone we'd simply be the only person on the planet. In short my friends, sharing is caring.