Y’all, sorry it took me so long to finally put this out- especially because I told y’all I’d drop this like two months ago (lol)! It’s just. I just hate typing. I can read and write all day long but I hate having to sit down in front s desk and type. I need to get one of those cool clicky keyboards that make sounds and have chunky keys so I feel more inclined to get to typing. These are just excuses. The reality is-divine timing. Mercury is nearing the end of its retrograde so let me share some things I’ve learned before and during. First off, I love learning and observing. Knowledge. I like knowing. I love knowing. It makes me feel safe. Which is actually EXACTLY what I’ll be talking about with you all today.
So for my astro-peeps, I made an observation! And it truly did take understanding it within myself to understand it outside of myself, on a grander scale. Now stay with me- even if you know NOTHING about astrology I’ll make the explanation fun and palatable, all I need is your interest. So, for a long I didn’t really pay attention to my Chiron placement, your Chiron placement is your wound AND your area of healing in this three dimensional space currently. (Was that too wordy? I don’t care I kinda like the dramatics of it all). And mine happens to be in Sagittarius. This means my wound is doubting that I am capable, competent, complete, and not crazy. Sagittarius is a sign of information and independence. Philosophy, religion, and UNDERSTANDING. The art of KNOWING, epistemology and ontology, systematic methodology. Which in short means I struggled with standing behind my knowledge no matter how hard I worked or studied or searched to obtain that knowledge because I wasn’t sure if my research and experience was even valid. I was my biggest gaslighter for real. Was. I’ve come a very long way with being self-assured in my knowledge and capability. We’ll talk more about that later…
Enough about me (for now) though let me explain how this connects to the masses. In my generation in particular, Pluto (yeah like the dwarf in the sky) is in Sagittarius. Now, I say my generation in particular because Pluto only stays in a sign for um, a generation. If you can use generation as a measurement of time. I don’t know. But I’m doing that now. Anyways, I bring up Pluto because Pluto is representative of transformation, death, and rebirth. Sounds crazy right? Yeah. So. This means as a generation we are constantly searching for answers. We are concerned with finding information and deeper understanding of our shared external world. A generation of vagabonds. We’re the wonderers in search of infinite knowledge. And that sounds cool too right? Up until you think about it too long and then you realize that there’s two sides to one coin and on the other side is insecurity, instability, having no “home.” So beautifully tragic for us, innit? Now let’s feel that void with more understanding and I explain what this means for us.
We live in the age of information yet have been one of the most insecure generations in compared to the ones before us. We’re a very curious generation. We love to explore, wonder, wander. But with exploration comes the risk of becoming lost. You ever heard the statements, “If you believe in nothing you’ll fall for anything” and “curiosity killed the cat but knowledge brought it back”? Knowledge and faith in that knowledge is the backbone of both those statements. Now you’re probably asking- “what does Sagittarius have to do with any of this, you’re all over the place!” And I am. Give me a break it’s Mercury Retrograde.
Sagittarius, also known as Chiron, the healer, couldn’t heal his own wounds. But through his wounds and his own individual experience with it he was able to help others with theirs, and in turn that healed his heart even though he can never fully heal his wounds. This is one of the greatest examples of empathy, a gift you can’t teach but one you can choose to learn. Empathy is understanding that only comes through acknowledgment, patience, experience, understanding, and acceptance. Kinda like the stages of grief but more open and aware. There’s no hiding in empathy and no running away. Not to say grief isn’t necessary- it definitely is. The difference is just, empathy is remembering you’re a student- not a victim.
The story reminds me of my relationship with my mom, how it progressed, and how it’s impacted who I am today. She was once my wound. My insecurity. Keep following, this is about to be a bar. So my mom’s moon is in Sagittarius (the moon symbolizes emotions). Which I found interesting because my wound (Chiron) is in Sagittarius. My mother and I would clash so intensely it was actually ridiculous. For years. It was dramatic, explosive even. I am an unstoppable force and she is an immovable object. Neither of us are perfect and neither of us are always right but both of us wanted nothing more than an understanding but was too stuck in our egos to find it. I was journaling the other night about how my mom made me feel after all these years. It was actually during a Sag moon, “She’s impatient with me. Neglectful at times. Stubborn.” (She is so stubborn though like dawg). But I sat and thought for a moment about the sign of Sagittarius. While she may have traumatized me in the past she’s not nearly the same person she was then, and I have to try to understand where she is now in contrast to who I am now. I’m an adult. Yes she can be impatient BUT I was eventually able to recognize that in her heart she wants nothing more than for my ability to be expansive and independent.
For years I would think about how my mom lived a life unimaginable to me. She really raised herself from the ground up. She was alone. Wandering. Wondering. I always thought I couldn’t even attempt to do the things that she did for herself. And my mom would TRIGGER me. She triggered me because she had something in me that I didn’t have. Faith. Today, September 17th, 6:48 pm she says “You don’t give yourself enough credit and you never have.” My mom has so much faith. “I was different because I had to be.” That’s how she did it. That’s how she expects me to do it. Fall apart and put myself back together. Chiron. The wounded healer. Isn’t that fire? She still could work on her delivery though. She’s so loud all the time. But Sag placements are loud. So loud. And out of pocket too.
Yeat is a Sag moon. He was actually part of how I came to understand my mom more. I would l listen to his music and be like “damn he kinda made me feel bad but he’s right. He sound like my mom.” Mom Twizzy forreal.
I’ve observed a similar dynamic with my students as a teacher. Yes. I’m a teacher. It’s actually so cool. It heals me. Anyways, my kids. Oh my kids. Where do I even start? That’s a question I ask myself whenever I’m observing something and my answer is always the foundation. Their foundation. I’It’s fascinating. I’ll break it down like I did for my kids:
The foundation of a story is the introduction or exposition. The exposition includes a main character, settings, background, and a situation or conflict. To understand what’s happening in a story and what may happen you have to understand what did happen. In conclusion, a lot of middle schoolers are unaware how their foundation impacts the way they exist. News flash! Neither was I like 3 years ago. They really are like me forreal. And although I learned a lot about myself over the years before I starting working this job I continue to discover better ways to communicate the human experience. For example, fear. Insecurity. Middle school is probably the most insecure age. The first time one may even experience insecurity. Because it’s like you wake up one day. You’re 12 and you’re conscious and suddenly everything makes sense but no it doesn’t. You have a foundation but you’re not sure how it got there so you’re not even sure if you should put your trust in it. It’s a pivotal point, one of the first ones in life where a child has to decide whether they want to have more faith in themselves as they step into this newfound independence. Responsibility. Faith is foundation and without that everything crumples. Belief is the plan put into action! Like any good lore, you have to have people that believe in it.
At the beginning of Mercury retrograde (and Mars (the planet of passion and aggression) entering Gemini) I played a song for each of my classes one period. “All Falls Down,” by Kanye West. We were talking about themes that class period and what the theme of the song was. Security. We talked about the different ways security and insecurity presents itself. Desperation. Urgency. Confusion. This day I realized the opposite of independence is confusion. Codependence is confusion. I say this all the time, when you allow yourself to only know the bad about people you’re not knowing them, you’re knowing their fear.
And I knew I wanted these kids to be courageous. Independent. Assured. Passionate. And passion is patient, vigilant, confident. I know. I focus a lot on definitions. I love synonyms! Sue me! I’m an English teacher! I tell all my kids at least once a weak that they are the future. The revolution! They didn’t know what that meant at first so we talked root words. Revolve. Looking at something from another angle. Every day they force every adult in their life to look at things from a different angle. I tell them to believe in that. And never stop doing that. It’s healing, it’s expansive, it’s faith. As I work to heal these kids, lead these kids, teach these kids I’m reminded that as long as I’m a teacher I will forever be the student. And that alone has healed MY wounds.
“Okay Kiarra, I read all that and still don’t know what it has to do with us!” I said everything I had to say just now just to explain that the generation that I am a part of is a generation of life coaches. That’s it. Whatever that may look like for you. That’s what our subconscious minds desire. Someone to believe in us, wisdom, expansion, independence, abundance, freedom…and we share it all whether people ask or not. Because deep down we know we got it. Even if you haven’t admitted it yet.