Haha. Hey, missed you guys. I hope you all missed me. I'm sorry I've been so absent from you alls life. I have my own demons to face. I've actually returned not just because I love it here, but over the last few months, I have been repeatedly asked if I'd written any blogs lately or when the next one is coming. The other day I was actually hanging with a few of my friends and in the midst of the chaos going on around me one of them leaned over and was like "Hey do you still write those blogs? I haven't seen them in a while." And I was like, "Nah man, been kinda sad lately, haven't had much to talk about." And then he was like, "Well isn't that something you could talk about?" And that you guys was a pivotal moment for me. So thank you Schuyler, you are quite literally an angel.
I've been down, then up, then down. Some days my emotions feel more manageable than others and I'm learning to accept that's completely okay. I feel like at times I have this subconscious expectation that I need to be good all the time, so when I'm not it's a bit of a disappointment especially because I don't want it affecting others. I've definitely gotten better at not avoiding my current reality though. I've been trying my best to take it day by day and take advantage of immediacy. It's an ongoing journey but I would love to share with you all something incredibly valuable I've been practicing during it all. As cliche as it is I have found myself applying the saying "take a moment and smell the roses," to my life more and more.
Gratitude. While trying to be more present I learned to be more thankful for what I do have as opposed to focusing on what I'm lacking. You'd think that something as simple as being thankful for the life you live is easy but honestly it isn't. It takes intent, focus, and attentiveness. When I find myself wrapped up in seemingly unmanageable emotions I give thanks.
A few things I'm thankful for as of right now:
- My loving mother, she just called me just to wish me a wonderful week. A simple gesture but I appreciate the consideration and I love her oh so much.
- The world has its saturation back. As I was walking earlier today I noticed the green looked a bit greener and the sky a bit bluer. I can't wait for peak springtime, really looking forward to that.
- I'm thankful for the people that choose to be in my life right now, my family, my friends, and new faces to come. It's always crazy to think that people can be so wonderful unprovoked, especially when you're facing demons.
- Lastly, I'm thankful for the ability to write these blogs and those of you that read this. It's honestly mind-blowing to me. While the numbers don't matter the impact you all have on me when you read out to me about it is something special. You all are so special.
So yeah, we all have our own demons to face. This is nothing new though, have some gratitude. What is something you're thankful for right now?