I didn't plan to write a blog on this particular topic this week. I had a completely different concept in mind but as the week continued and most of us had our first day of classes I decided while I do write for myself, I publish what I believe the general public needs to hear. "What is that?" you may ask. Boundaries, let's talk boundaries.
School is starting back up for most of us, which means we are possibly meeting new people and forming new relationships whether that be with a person or a new interest. This is amazing, the endless opportunities headed our way because of this but I wanted to stress the importance of boundaries being applied among these new beginnings. Setting boundaries is something I learned to do for myself over time. And by overtime, I mean very recently. This year, 2021, has taught me not just to prioritize what is important to me but to limit or dispose of what does not serve me. For a long time, I felt exhausted, used, and abused by people and things around me. I wondered why this was an ongoing cycle for me until I saw a video describing emotional unavailability in women. Essentially it said that emotional unavailability in women looks like accommodating everyone around you and failing to not only tend to your own needs but neglect your overall well-being. I was like "Damn I'm a fraud." Because I really did feel like a fraud. I realized that I wasn't allowing people to get to know the real me, they only knew the person I assumed they wanted me to be. And while I recognize this mindset worked with some people it didn't work for me because that meant my relationships weren't as real or authentic as I thought they were. It's funny because often times I became misanthropic because I felt like people didn't take time out to know me and understand me but the reality was that I was not creating a space where the people around me could know me. I made every relationship about that person because I didn't set boundaries. I allowed people, places, and things to consume me to stay "safe."
I would do this thing, when people did or said something I wasn't a fan of where I didn't acknowledge it or confront them because I was scared if I did that I would make the person feel bad about themselves. It was weird because my fear was never really losing things, but more stunting someone's growth because of something I said. Ironic right? In retrospect that made no sense because I have no control over another person's response. Regardless, I get it now. I've been practicing setting boundaries, it's cool because I can see immediate changes made in myself and my relationships. I'm not so exhausted all the time, because I am not allowing myself to get there. I'm practicing deciphering my voice from others so that I know it's what I want. It's cool. It's healthy. I'm happy. I feel like myself, I like myself, I love myself and the people I allow around me.
I want the same for you, listen to yourself, whatever that looks like.